Friday, June 4, 2010

I Wanna Be Like Mike

I'm sitting here waiting on my dryer to finish so that I can shower and then.... I'm heading to the gym, baby!

Although I am excited, I'm also kind of nervous. I just weighed myself and while the number was not a surprise, it's the kind of number that makes that little voice in my head think, "How can I haul my fat butt to the gym and not feel like everyone is staring at me? What makes me think that I can even make it up the stairs to the machines I want to work on without almost dying? What makes me think that I can DO this?!"

But the fact is - I have to do this. If everyone is staring at me, then let them. Let them see that not all fat people are lazy. If it takes me 5 minutes to get up the stairs to get to the machines I want to use, then so it does. Because next week it might only take 4 minutes.

I still wonder what makes me think I can do this.

So, I signed up for a Twitter account, which you can see here in my blog over on the right hand side. Hey, feel free to add me! One of the people I follow is Michael Ventrella, the winner of The Biggest Loser this past season. Michael has always been a real inspiration to me since I first saw him because he started the Biggest Loser at 526 pounds, the biggest contestant they've ever had on the show. I watched this man the whole season as he transformed. He put the work in. He had breakdowns, as they all do, but his hit me closer to home than any of the others did. I sat and watched and cried and laughed and cheered for him. HE is my inspiration right now. When I think that I can't do this, I remember Michael, and I know that I can. I follow his Facebook and his Twitter [I'm not a stalker, I swear.] and he just radiates joy. I want to be like that. Because at this weight, I know that I don't. I know that I'm depressed and angry and anxious all of the time. I want to be like Michael. I want that glow.

The dryer just went off, so I guess that's my cue. I'll let you all know how it goes. :)

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